From Esther Vermillion
"Far better is it to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though checkered by failures, than to take rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy much nor suffer much, because they live in the gray twilight that knows not victory nor defeat." -Theodore Roosevelt
This powerful quote became my desire and focus during my pregnancy as I prepared to attempt a VBAC: daring to win a glorious triumph by attempting a natural birth without reservation. I was determined, that no matter what, I would honor God, our precious baby, and myself by trying to deliver my baby in a way which doctors told me was impossible. After enduring a traumatic and necessary c-section birth with my first son two years ago, I had finally come to a good place of letting all negative emotions surface, choosing to heal from the experience and move forward. I was able to fully embrace this birth as a new experience and a new season of seeing God's faithful and powerful hand act strong on my behalf.
The big day arrived! We were all falling asleep that night around 9 p.m. when I suddenly felt and heard of strong "POP!" as my water broke. Immediately overwhelmingly intense contractions hit, one on top of the other. I was in full swing transition (must have been laboring/dilating all day and didn't know it!). My labor was 30 minutes of the most mentally challenging, emotionally gripping, physically intense contractions. It took everything inside my mind, body and spirit to fully concentrate and breathe through each one. My husband never left my side and was my supportive rock the entire time. He immediately called our birth team and birth photographer. While they were dashing to our home, I continued to labor and eventually ended up in our oversized bath tub. The warm water was soothing as well as a relaxing harp cd softly playing in the background.
After about 30 minutes of transition contractions, I felt the strong urge to bear down and push taking over. I exclaimed to my husband "my body is pushing and I'm letting it!" My midwives were still on their way, but in the peaceful setting of my own home, and with my husband holding and supporting me I felt at ease to let go and let my body do what it naturally needed to do. (I was thinking...WOW, my body is doing this!!! I'm having my baby!!!") The birth team arrived, saw me pushing and examined me. I heard the words "Esther, you are complete. Keep pushing your baby out!" My midwife and birth assistant were like strong, yet, gentle angels whispering encouraging words to me, giving me sips of "laborade" to drink, while monitoring my body and the baby's heartbeat. . After 1 & 1/2 hours of pushing I was feeling the my baby coming out! amazing. surreal. mind boggling moment.
For the second time, I was blessed to welcome another precious life into the world. My hubby was lifting my baby up to my chest and sweetly exclaiming to me, "we have a son, another beautiful son!" I was instantly in love and my heart was about ready to burst with love for my new son. Feelings of utter relief, amazement, shock (in a good way) and such joy. VBAC-I did it! I reclaimed my body! Oh what love, true love I felt for my son as I held him and gazed at his beautiful, perfect face and body for the first time.
Taking charge of my birth experience and and reclaiming back my body after an unwanted c-section was a healing balm for me and my family. Truly it is a gift to give birth without any medication or interventions. I am eternally grateful to the Lord, my husband, and the incredible birth team (Ann Crowell and Cindy Haggerton--they were the same team that helped with my first delivery and were a huge factor in my vbac coming to fruition) for believing in me and assisting me in achieving the birth that longed for and was created to do. I learned to trust myself, my body, and knowing and wholeheartedly believing that the inner strength was in me and would come into fruition in the exact moment when needed.
Words cannot describe the feeling of allowing my whole being to bring a new life into the world. It was worth all the heartache from the first time to come full circle of full healing and feeling my dream come true. Before my second pregnancy and during the pregnancy and during giving birth, I found that fully surrendering to the experience, however it was meant to be was my focus and mindset. There is no one way to give birth. The journey must unfold uniquely as it's meant to be. Allowing the resignation of the unknown and accepting ahead of time my journey of pregnancy and giving birth = however and whatever ways that entailed brings peace during the journey and JOY at the end result: a precious life that has forever changed and blessed our lives.
We are so proud to announce and welcome
Jackson David Vermillion, 12-8-09, 7lbs 8oz, 20 inches.
Chad, Esther, and Curt Vermillion
